On confidence, sweeties and scary emails
Does it make you feel sick with excited nerves? Then you should probably hit send.
I’m writing this week’s Substack off the back of sending what feels like two very scary emails (I’ve actually just thought of a third scary email I should send, but that can wait until I’ve finished writing this). These emails all involve pitching myself in some way, or asking for something, which is always the most nerve-jangling from of missive to send. Incidentally, this action is all related to the next phase of where I want to take The Hot Desk. Sending these emails is a step towards taking these nebulous, dreamy ideas out of my head and making them a reality. It’s going to help move me towards something I’m really excited about bringing to life, so why does it trigger so much anxiety?
There are two Scottish phrases that I try to bear in mind every day. I’m sure that every culture has equivalent sayings and they’re both pretty central to my outlook on life. The first is the well-worn whit’s fir ye’ll no go by ye, the Celtic equivalent of que sera sera. It’s a soothing reminder that there’s a reason and season for everything, and even disappointments are making way for bigger and better things. The second phrase that I always try to keep in mind is the more straight-shooting shy bairns don’t get sweeties. You want the good stuff? Then go and ask for it. Coupled with the comfort of the first phrase, you can act safe in the knowledge that the worst thing that can happen is someone tells you ‘no’.
But the confidence to be comfortable with that worst-case scenario (and even with a more positive one) is something I have to work at every day. I can be a world-champion procrastinator when I want to be, plus I have trouble remembering things if they’re not written down. If it’s not on a post-it or on my calendar, it’s not happening. This includes doing the simple things that will help move the needle a little each day. Reminding myself with external signals to ‘be confident’ sounds crazy, but it works. I mean, there’s a reason motivational word art was such a huge millennial interiors trend. My crunchy post-its with SELL YOURSELF and MOTIVATION FOLLOWS ACTION scrawled on them on the wall above my desk are not as aesthetically pleasing as an embroidered cushion from Anthropologie, but they do the same job.
Confidence isn’t something you achieve. It’s a habit that needs forming, a muscle that needs routine stretching. Not least because I bet your perception of what it means to be confident will not only be different to someone else’s, but will also change over time. I know mine has and I’m learning to be more gracious towards less-confident, younger me too. I’m not blaming her for not taking the bold steps I think she ‘should’ have taken five, ten years ago. I feel like I’m bringing her along for ride as I grow into myself, into my thirties and beyond. She’s going to get to enjoy all the cool things I’m going to do, alongside me. She’s going to get the sweeties too.
I hope you can take this week’s post as permission (not that you need it) to do whatever scary work-life thing you’ve been thinking about for the past wee while. Think of this as your own crunchy post-it note, reminding you to ask for what you want and deserve. When you hit send/publish/make that call/speak to that person, share it here in the comments and we’ll celebrate together!
Before I go, here’s my regular round-up of things that have caught my eye and that I’ve enjoyed recently.
Absolutely no spoilers but OBVIOUSLY my top pick for this week has to be the Succession finale. Jesse Armstrong and co have excelled themselves. Perfect ending was perfect. The way I GASPED when **** ******* ***!! If you’ve not yet dived into the exquisitely cruel and darkly hilarious world of the Roys, do yourself and favour and get a Now TV subscription. Absolutely not an #ad but I would watch it all again for money/a ludicrously capacious branded tote bag, just saying.
And if you have watched it, then I also loved this two-parter from the HBO Succession podcast, featuring interviews with Jeremy Strong and Alexander Skarsgard.
I went to Radio 1’s Big Weekend in my hometown of Dundee last weekend. It reminded me how much I love live music and that I really need to get to gigs more. Since then I’ve been listening to lots of Caity Baser’s bubbly, Gen Z Lily Allen-style pop and RAYE’s My 21st Century Blues. And yes, R*y*l Bl**d really did that.
Is your scary to-do starting a Substack? This post might help push you towards that ‘publish’ button.
A colleague reminded me of the delightfully low-stakes but often hilarious drama of The Guardian’s ‘You be the judge’ column. Recent favourites include ‘should my fiancé start drying his hands instead of letting them drip dry?’ and ‘should my housemate empty the vacuum cleaner after every use?’. Let me tell you, people go IN on these. Perfect lunch-break light relief.
See you next time!
Rebecca x